BDSM & Kink Affirming Resources

Cultivating Connection by Sander T. Jones, LCSW

• • The most comprehensive conflict resolution and communication skills book written specifically for CNM relationships — and a local one. Sander T. Jones is an Atlanta-based licensed clinical social worker with over a decade of experience working with ENM, LGBTQ+, and kink communities. Draws on polyvagal and attachment theory. If you liked Polysecure and wanted more concrete tools, this is your next read.

    • From Dr. Kieran - "Sure, I'm biased as I have known and highly regarded Sander for years, but this is my best recommendation for clients when they ask me for a book on relationships (of any kind).  This is the book that for years I wished I had to suggest to clients.  Thank goodness that Sander made it real!"

Polysecure by Jessica Fern

• • Attachment theory meets polyamory — a thoughtful guide to building secure, connected relationships in CNM structures. One of the most clinically useful books for poly clients and their therapists.

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

• • The foundational text of modern polyamory — warm, practical, and comprehensive. The third edition includes updated content on communication, jealousy, and relationship agreements.

Polyamory and Jealousy by Kathy Labriola

• • A practical workbook by a counselor and poly educator for understanding and working through jealousy in open relationships. Non-judgmental and structured.

Designer Relationships by Mark A. Michaels & Patricia Johnson

• • A thoughtful guide to intentionally designing the relationship structure that works for you — without prescribing what that should look like. Great for people in the early exploration stages.

Oh Joy Sex Toy — CNM/Polyamory, Consent & Communication

• • Illustrated education covering CNM/polyamory, consent, and communication — a wonderful, accessible resource across many of the topics that come up in poly relationships.

Multiamory

• • One of the most thoughtful and well-produced CNM podcasts. Blends personal experience, research, and practical tools for communication, relationship health, and navigating poly structures.

Normalizing Non-Monogamy

• • Stories from people across CNM structures — swinging, polyamory, relationship anarchy, and more. Centers diverse voices and lived experience.

Yes/No/Maybe — the Sex List (Oh Joy Sex Toy)

• • A great tool for exploring and communicating preferences with partners.

OPEN — Non-Monogamy 101 Brochures

• • Free, beautifully designed brochures on CNM basics and normalizing non-monogamy from the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy. Printable, or orderable by mail. Great for events or waiting rooms.

Relationship Agreements Worksheet — Multiamory

• • A structured worksheet for building explicit relationship agreements with partners. Useful for clients moving from implicit to explicit expectations.

Relationship Anarchy Manifesto — Andie Nordgren

• • The foundational document for relationship anarchy — a values-based framework for relationships that refuse to follow scripts. Influential for many poly and RA practitioners.

Loving More — CNM Community & Resources

• • One of the oldest CNM community organizations, offering articles, resources, and events. Good starting place for people newly exploring polyamory.

Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition (PLAC) — FAQs

• • Clear, well-researched answers to the most common legal questions about CNM and polyamory: rights, discrimination, custody, and more. PLAC has passed historic non-discrimination ordinances in several cities.

Chosen Family Law Center — Protect Your Family

• • A practical guide to protecting LGBTQ+ and polyamorous families legally — especially important right now. Covers healthcare proxies, wills, parentage documents, and more. CFLC offers free services for low-income LGBTQ+ New Yorkers; the information is useful for everyone.

Chosen Family Law Center — Safety & Coming Out as Poly or Kinky Online

• • A practical legal guide by Diana Adams, Esq. on evaluating the real risks of being publicly out as poly — in workplaces, custody proceedings, and online. Grounded in a decade of legal practice.

How to Buy Property with Chosen Family — Harvard/CFLC/PLAC Guide

• • An accessible guide created by Chosen Family Law Center, PLAC, and Harvard Law's LGBTQ+ Advocacy Clinic. Covers co-ownership structures and agreements for chosen families buying property together.